my world

Mom and dad are on a 7 day cruise . Friday night, we went by their house to say goodbye. Mom has been shopping over the last couple of weeks. Most of the clothes in her closet totally swallow her. She excitedly showed off all her new finds. She even dug some clothes out of her packed suitcase. She looks great in her size 4 clothes and lucky for me, I can wear most of them. (A little tighter fit than her) She commented that she has gained a pound or two . . . please. They were both excited about the trip, been a long time coming. I hope they have the best time ever. After this summer, they need it. Little Man's Birthday was this weekend. He turned 10 (still doesn't sound right). He wanted a big birthday party like Little Girl had a month ago. I wasn't sure if it was going to happen, everyone is so busy this time of year. Thursday before his Saturday party, I knew 7 kids were coming. We had sent invitations out to everyone in his class (around 20) Only 1 from h...

Do you just have the feeling that something is wrong?That pain in your gut is a little too strong?Do you find that there’s blood leaking out your back door?Is it just IBS or could it be something more?Is it hemorrhoids or crohns or even UC?Or could it be, would it be the really “BIG C”Well pick up the phone, don’t waste any time;If you don’t have a doctor then you can call mine.And schedule the procedure that everyone fears;With the lights and the camera’s but no need for tears.For you’re out like a light in the dead of the night;And with the drugs that they give you there’s no need for fright.It’s the prep that’s a hassle - the procedure is notAnd after the scope is when you’ll learn a lot.But good news or bad there’s one place you can goTo the Colon Club Forum where all the folks knowCause they’ve been there before and they know what it’s likeTo wake up in the middle of a long lonely night.They’re there to give help, they’re there for supportThey’re there when you need them when othe...

Mom had a doctor's appt . on Tuesday. The wait was pretty tough, sitting in the waiting room scanning the faces of those fighting their way through chemo. Trying to keep small talk going with mom to pass the time while recognizing our worst fear in the faces of others in the room. Finally, the nurse called us back to the examining room. She checked Mom's weight (no more weight loss, yea), checked her vitals, and asked about her medications. When she finished and left the room, the wait and small talk continued. The doctor finally came in, welcomed each of us with handshakes and smiles, and then cut straight to the chase. The last scan showed absolutely no tumor, no suspicious lymph nodes, and absolutely no cancer. He ended the appt by saying Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! No more appointments until next year. God is so good. His love surrounds us even when we think not. He saw us through some pretty dark times this past summer. A friend gave me a song that has been...

Below is an email I received a few days ago. It brought back so many great memories. When I was 18 yrs old, my goal was to eliminate all prejudice and racism starting in Jackson, Tn and then in the world. I attended a COGIC church (Church of God in Christ), one of the largest black Christian denominations in the world. With me attending, the church was integrated and that was a start towards my colorblind world. (I really thought I was something, huh) Anyway, I got involved in the youth program and attempted to really impact their lives. Truth is, they impacted my life more than I ever impacted their lives. We put on a play at the church. The play was "Down by the Creek Bank " written by Dottie Rambo. It was a play my brother and I did at the old Pentecostal church we attended as kids. It's about as country as you can get. Before my kids, I considered those kids and that play my biggest accomplishment. We had a gazillion play practices leading up to the big nig...

Little Man always says things clear out of left field. I'm sure he gets it from me, but it's weird being on the receiving end of it. Sometimes it's good. After listening to me sing a song he has said, "Mom, you should go on American Idol!" Sometimes , it's bad. This weekend he asked, "Mom, a long time ago when you were young, did you have a skinny waist?" Grrrrr

After Mom's appt last week, I posted on the Colon Club. I just love Bradyr and Belle, they always respond to my posts. I'm so glad they were there, then and now. Hello by momsCancer on Thu Aug 28, 2008 2:55 am it's really been a while since I've checked in here. Mom's healing up from treatment and I've jumped back into my family, job, and life. She had a PET Scan and we met with the doctor on Tues. He showed us the before and after pics. You could really see the tumor from the pics in April and then absolutely nothing lit up from the last scans. YIPPEE! She's going to have a scope done in a couple of weeks just for a closer look. But PET Scan of colon look good!!! So, as terrible as the treatment was (terrible's not even a strong enough word), looks like it totally did it's thing!We could tell the doctor had a scans look good . . .BUT coming. Sure enough, the doctor said that a couple of lymph nodes in Mom's chest were lit up. He said that it ...

Mom's getting better and better. This past weekend, she went shopping and bought new clothes. Sunday, I swung by the house to check out her new duds. I'm going to borrow her new suit, if I can squeeze into it. She still has rotten days, bathroom issues occasionally, and pretty persistent nausea but in Dad's words, "She's turn the corner." Thank you, God. I cleaned out my purse today. Way past due. I found a blog I'd written at a doctor's appt a while ago. It goes like this; In talking to a friend, I realized. . . it's not the Cancer. It's the loss of control. I really couldn't see it before. What is my deal? I really need to get a grip! I thought I was stronger than this, much more capable. This might be extremely naive, but I honestly lived almost 37 years thinking that life makes since. You know, good things happen to good people. . . the early bird gets the worm. . . if you think you can, you can. . .and so on. . . The re...

Coming home from St. Louis last Friday night, I stopped by a friends house to pick up her daughter for a sleepover. She was sitting on the front porch with her mama packed and ready to go. She gets in the car as I talk to her mom for just a few minutes. She starts humming, a subtle "okay, anyday now tune. . ." Taking the hint, I give my friend a hug, get in the car, and head home. It's about a 15 minute drive to the house so I struck up a conversation with Blondie. So, "Are you ready to go" as I back out of the driveway. Her reply with attitude was "YES, I AM!" Smiling I asked, "How was your day at school" she began talking and didn't stop until we pulled in the driveway. I should take this girl with me to St. Louis. She's so entertaining! Jumping subject to subject all the way home, she had me cracking up. She said school was great, her teacher is Mrs. McCreedy . Switching gears she let me know she packed her own bag for the sleepo...

Have to make this really quick. Doctor said that tumor is gone and no cancer detected in the colon. Praise God! Suspicious areas light up on a PET Scan. There's nothing lit up down under. There were a few lymph nodes lit up in her chest. He says the PET Scan pics itself were not great. The lit up areas probably is nothing, maybe inflammation from a cold (she hasn't been sick though). The gastro doc yesterday scheduled another scope just to make sure colon is good. The onc. doc today scheduled another PET Scan in 6 weeks to check out areas that lit up and just another overall look. She's upset. She wanted a 100% clean bill of health. I believe she is cancer-free. Please pray that she believes too.

Mom went to the gastro doctor today. He was the doc that did the colonoscopy and found the tumor back in April. He checked her out and said that he did NOT feel a tumor! (WHAHOO!!!) She weighed in at 109 pds today. We've spent the past couple of months trying to answer the following questions. Why is she so nauseous , sick and tired? Is it physical, mental, emotional. . . . is she depressed, does she have a fear of food, a fear of medicine. . . why can't she eat, why is her stomach so messed up, when will the diarrhea stop, will life ever be like before? . . . just to name a few. She talked to the doctor about all the above issues. He wasn't surprised at all, he said that it's all just part of it. He went on to say that she'll figure out how to eat, when to eat, what to eat and I guess slowly but surely it'll get better. Thank God for Good News Today! We're all ready for more tomorrow! A few weeks ago I was talking to a good friend from Memphis, Shoot, it...

Mom has a PET Scan this morning at 9:15. We won't know anything until her doc. appt. on August 26th. The wait stinks. Please pray for a clean bill of health and peace as we wait.

It's back to school and work tomorrow . Baby Girl is so excited. She put much thought into her new backpack, lunchbox, and even clothes for the first 2 days of school. I found the cutest dress with matching stockings at Target (I love that store!) and amazingly was able to sway her into choosing the dress over the Hanna Montana T-Shirts. Hubby and I steered away from all things Bratz , even when Little Girl was tempted by her friend down the street. We've bypassed all princess shirts or the big attitude ones like "It's All About Me" and such. Hubby was already to do the same with Hanna Montana but I just couldn't. I've never seen her Disney show or listened to her songs, but the clothes are cute. It's been fun shopping with Little Girl for all things Hanna Montana. Little Man dreads going back to school. He wants to protest the school, state, Washington, anyone about the corrupt system making summers shorter and shorter each year. He spent all night di...

While fixing Baby Girl's hair this morning, she's not happy. As I'm braiding her hair and listening to the kids playing in the living room, Baby Girl says, "Mom, you're taking too long and ruining my life." I said, "That's my job" and continued braiding. Yep, Five years old and her life's ruined but her hair looks great!

Pardon the rambling, but I'm in a mood. We're on the road with over 600 miles to our destination, kids fighting in the back seat. There's no telling where this post will end up or who it might offend. So, proceed with caution. The night Mom was released from the hospital, I went home to an empty house (kids n hubby went to CO). I decided to invite the Fabulous Who Ha Sisters over for drinks, swimming and fun (pretty much in that order) Everyone showed and the celebration began. One of the sisters, I believe was well on her way to Margaritaville before our first toast. Another sister came late with her hubby, so she had some catching up to do. The other sister's husband ran to the store to get an assortment of chick drinks in honor of as he put it the "Who Ha Whatever" and volunteered to be the bartender. Long story short, we all swam, drank, laughed, drank, swam again then drank more. . . some a liitle more than others. The bartender passed out as ...

Mom (in her words) is pretty much "sick and tired of being sick and tired." She thought that after radiation, she would bounce back quick. Towards the end of last week, she decided to quit taking her pain meds regularly. She thought it was the reason she felt worse. She complained that she felt better in the hospital then at home. We tried to explain that she was on Morphine Extended Release and Diladid shots every 3 to 4 hours while in the hospital. She wondered if she was getting worse since radiation stopped but I think the drugs in the hospital just did an awesome job masking the pain. She's been using the dilator as instructed and it's not been as bad as she thought it would be. The outside burns have healed amazingly well. I wasn't sure that it would recover it was so burnt, swollen, and totally messed up. She did have another round of blisters come up following the last radiation treatment. It bothered her pretty bad especially when she had to go...

Mom is done with both chemo and radiation. I went with her today to get dilators, just when you thought you'd seen and heard it all. Mom sure doesn't want the scar tissue to cause major problems but at the same time can't even imagine using those things. I told her we could go to an adult store and find one softer and maybe light up, spin or vibrate. I swear, you've got to keep a sense of humor or I'm sure you'd lose your mind. Mom's last day of radiation was yesterday. She was asking me if I thought she'd be better by the end of the week. I hate to discourage her more or sound negative I just answered maybe but for some it takes a couple of weeks to notice a difference. We don't really know what's next as far as tests and such to see where she stands. I guess the focus should be on healing and recovery instead of the other.

Mom has just 1 more radiation treatment left. I can't believe it's almost over. Mom wants to celebrate with a pedicure tomorrow. Now, if that's not a sign things are looking up, I don't know what is!

Since being home, Mom is still in alot of pain primarily from the radiation treatments. Now, starting the 4 th week after chemo, I think most of those side effects are gone. She has 2 radiation hits to go and is on schedule for Tuesday being the last and final nuke. Up until the last few nights in the hospital, Mom could slip in and out of sleep no matter who or what was going on in the room. But as she started feeling better, sleeping became a problem. She thought that she'd sleep better without someone staying with her. So, Thursday night I left her completely alone for the first time. The next morning, she hadn't slept. Then, she thought it was maybe the nurses coming in and out of the room at all hours of the night. She jokes that they would come in for a zillion reasons including to wake her up to see if she's sleeping. She was so convinced that just getting home and in her bed would help that she started taking matters into her own hands. One of the doctors on Thurs...

Thursday night, I came home from the hospital per Mom’s request, totally spent, tired, and in every way gave out. I said goodbye to hubby and kids earlier that day, as they left for Colorado to see great grandparents. I’ ve gone out of town with the kids before and left hubby home, but I don’t think that I’ ve ever been the one left home. When I made it home, I marched straight to the tub, nothing sounded better than a long, hot soak. With wrinkled fingers and toes, I put on my favorite pjs and gathered dirty clothes to take to the laundry room. When I opened the door to drop clothes in the laundry basket, I found it completely empty. There was not 1 sock, towel or anything. I stood there for a while just staring. I then looked over to the folding table for stacks of clothes to put away, there was nothing. I proceeded to the sink, there were no dirty dishes not even a fork or spoon, looked in the dishwasher, it was empty. As I went from room to room, I slowly began to realize the in...

We said our goodbyes, bid farewell, and left the hospital yesterday around noon. I'll share more details of the past couple of days later :)

Not all the doctors agreed on Mom going home quite yet. While the pain is there, there's a world of difference in today from last Friday when she was admitted. The one doctor is still concerned b/c the low grade fever. Although Mom is disappointed, I told her the pain meds here are much better than at home so staying is not all bad. We just finished lunch, we both stuffed ourselves silly. Hospital food is strange. It is either really, really good or really, really bad. There's no in between. Right now, Mom is in bed putting on the make-up given to her by the American Cancer Society's Look Good, Feel Better Program. What a difference 1 week makes! Watch out, Mom's back!

The little things make the biggest difference. This morning after shift change around 7:00am, we told the new nurse (friendly nurse is off today) that mom would need a bath before going to radiation this morning. She said that she would send the technician in first thing. The gynecologist the other day prescribed some ointment for the burns. We have to make sure the ointment is totally off before radiation or else it will act as a tanning oil and burn her more severe if that's possible. We use the ointment during the day but do not apply any 8 hrs prior to radiation and of course make sure she has the bath. At 9am, we are still waiting for the technician to come. The mornings before radiation are terribly stressful for Mom. So, she was in bed, lights dim, and music (Alan Jackson's Christian CD - all old hymns) playing softly in the background when the transport guy shows to take Mom to radiation. Mom gets all upset thinking she's going to have to rush through the bath...

Mom's oncologist came by at regular time, 6 am. Mom asked if she can go home today, he said I don't see why not. He said that she's got his okay so if other docs agree, she'll go home. Yipee !

Monday morning was really tough. Mom was so tired of hurting, totally exhausted and discouraged. She was angry and fed-up. Before Monday, she was pretty much checked out due to the pain medication. This weekend she kept asking why she was in OKC . She's been in another world for the last week maybe longer which was hard because I really missed her. On Monday, she was coherent but in the darkest place that I'd seen yet with no spark of hope. The doctor came in at 6:00am, we'd been up for almost an hour. Anxiety and pain levels were high. The doctor told Mom that all the blood, urine, and stool tests were coming back good, no infection. However, blood taken from the PICC line on Sunday showed an infection so he ordered the PICC to be taken out. Since last Wednesday, her fever continued to fluctuate between 100 - 103. After the doctor left, I tried to encourage Mom by telling her that the doctor is not finding any serious complications. There is unbelievable pain, suffering,...

One of the sisters from the Ya Ya Sisterhood; Monday evening. If I could talk to you now. Things I would say to you. Your mom is funny. She called me Melissa. When Cathy called the conversation went like this Cathy – Is Michelle there? Mom – No Cathy – Is Bob there? Mom – No Cathy – Is Ginger there? Mom – No Cathy – Well who is there? Mom – Melissa Cathy – Well is someone there that is not taking drugs? I got the phone. Cathy talked a few minutes. I love this woman and I don’t even know her. She is so funny cant wait till girls day out with her….. She ask that I call her back and I told her I would what time is to late she said she was just driving back from Muskogee and was going home to dye her hair. I told Mom that Cathy was going to color her hair what color does she want it. Mom said will it wash out? I said yeah so she said “well its almost 4 th of July – what about red, white and blue” So I told Cathy. Also, Cathy ask if you were coming back tonight I said “yeah but, she...

Stay tuned, for upcoming praise report God brought Mom the best doctor and wrapped His arms around her as this doctor broke Mom open. We are listening to "How Great is Our God" as Mom rests before radiation. I'll share later.

Mom's been in hospital since Friday. Safety net feels good. Think everything is going well. She's continued to run fever of 100 to 102. Blood Pressure 105/46 at 5:00 today (normal is 120/80), pulse rate tonight is 110(normal is 78). Nurse says elevated pulse rate is from pain and anxiety. Not sure about low blood pressure, dehydration is not a problem b/c she's getting fluid from IV regularly. She's had 4 units blood (think red blood cells, hemoglobin) on Saturday. Urine specimens and blood tests have all come back clean until today. They are taking blood from PICC and blood straight from arm. Blood from PICC showed infection (Gram and Cocci in clusters) not sure what that means but nurse wrote it down for me. They gave her antibotic shot called vancomycin for that. they are giving other antibiotics ; Alvelox , Mystatin and Flogyl . She had a phosphorus drip in IV earlier today b/c low electrolytes. Tonight, nurse gave her MS contin - extended morphine, dildaudid...

She was admitted to the hospital yesterday morning. Basically, we went to the treatment center yesterday morning to get PICC line flushed, weekly thing. On the other side of the treatment room away from mom, I had a break down moment saying the upcoming weekend scares me to death, it's like the night 3 times over, you just feel all alone. Mom's' fever was 102.6 and they were ready to send us on our way. I said that I wanted a doctor to check her over and tell me she's okay, and then I would take her to radiation and then home. I just couldn't handle the responsibility of something happening that I failed to notice type thing. Anyway, mom's onc nurse came over obviously annoyed and said that mom would be seen by one of the other doctors. That doctor's nurse (really nice, I might add) came helped us to the room and took down a bunch of information. She really listened to us, it was nice for a change. The new onc doctor came in (again, really nice, like a fresh...

Mom is swelling really bad. It's making it so incredibly painful to walk, sit, or anything. Radiation again tomorrow, please pray for decrease in swelling.

Just want everyone to know that last night was better. Since at least last Saturday night, as you've read, nights are bad. She's up every 20 to 30 minutes going to the bathroom with terrible pain and anxiety which seemed to build to out of control proportions as the night drug on. It left her totally exhausted and discouraged by morning. I don't think the symptoms are necessarily worse at night than during the day, it's just more frustrating for mom at night because she wants to sleep. Yesterday, the radiologist prescribed some butt foam to relieve the pain (she nonchalantly said as she wrote the prescription, I don't know why I didn't think of it before. It would not have even occurred to her then if I hadn't been so insistent , what's wrong with these docs) Anyway, the combination of butt foam and increased dosage of pain meds worked, and she slept for longer stretches of time, 2 to 3 hours at a time, YES!!!!!!!!!!! When she woke up she said t...

I really think she is having spasms and not constipation. If she were blocked, I would think she would constantly hurt until the blockage was released, especially continual stomach pain. Her pain and feeling of needing to go comes in waves. She has diarhea each and every time she goes to the toilet at least 30 to 40 plus times a day. When it climaxes usually in the last hour before she can recieve her next dose of oxycodone, her pain goes off the charts. She either starts shaking uncontrollably and if someone isn't in the room, yells for help or she loses her head and starts racing around the house out of her head not being rational. At this point she starts hunting the pill bottles for something more to take to make her go to the bathroom. When we got to radiation, I didn't think she'd meet with the radiologist so I asked the front desk if I could possibly ask her a quick question. They said to flag down the nurse (the one we don't like) and ask her to speak with the d...

This was me reaching out on the colon club last night and Belle (NW Girl), Monique, and WAMO were there. Thank you God for leading me to the Colon Club and for these caring women who got me through tonight. (Me) Nights seem worse. Diarrhea seems more frequent, not making it to the toliet more, more pain and anxiety. She's taking oxicodone 2 pills every 4 hours. At night, it's not enough. Right now she has almost an hour before next dose and pain level is rapidly increasing. Do I absolutely have to wait 4 hrs? She's straining due to constipation but there's frequent urgent diarrhea. Both are wreaking havoc on her butt. Tonight there's a little blood when she blots. I assume its hemmoroids from straining. She also complains about her bones hurting. She thought she dodged mouth sores this round of chemo, but tonight there popping up. I'm reading on this forum about those at all stages continuing on w/ life, jobs, hobbies. How in the world is that possible? Is mom...