my world

Mom has just 1 more radiation treatment left. I can't believe it's almost over. Mom wants to celebrate with a pedicure tomorrow. Now, if that's not a sign things are looking up, I don't know what is!

Since being home, Mom is still in alot of pain primarily from the radiation treatments. Now, starting the 4 th week after chemo, I think most of those side effects are gone. She has 2 radiation hits to go and is on schedule for Tuesday being the last and final nuke. Up until the last few nights in the hospital, Mom could slip in and out of sleep no matter who or what was going on in the room. But as she started feeling better, sleeping became a problem. She thought that she'd sleep better without someone staying with her. So, Thursday night I left her completely alone for the first time. The next morning, she hadn't slept. Then, she thought it was maybe the nurses coming in and out of the room at all hours of the night. She jokes that they would come in for a zillion reasons including to wake her up to see if she's sleeping. She was so convinced that just getting home and in her bed would help that she started taking matters into her own hands. One of the doctors on Thurs...

Thursday night, I came home from the hospital per Mom’s request, totally spent, tired, and in every way gave out. I said goodbye to hubby and kids earlier that day, as they left for Colorado to see great grandparents. I’ ve gone out of town with the kids before and left hubby home, but I don’t think that I’ ve ever been the one left home. When I made it home, I marched straight to the tub, nothing sounded better than a long, hot soak. With wrinkled fingers and toes, I put on my favorite pjs and gathered dirty clothes to take to the laundry room. When I opened the door to drop clothes in the laundry basket, I found it completely empty. There was not 1 sock, towel or anything. I stood there for a while just staring. I then looked over to the folding table for stacks of clothes to put away, there was nothing. I proceeded to the sink, there were no dirty dishes not even a fork or spoon, looked in the dishwasher, it was empty. As I went from room to room, I slowly began to realize the in...

We said our goodbyes, bid farewell, and left the hospital yesterday around noon. I'll share more details of the past couple of days later :)

Not all the doctors agreed on Mom going home quite yet. While the pain is there, there's a world of difference in today from last Friday when she was admitted. The one doctor is still concerned b/c the low grade fever. Although Mom is disappointed, I told her the pain meds here are much better than at home so staying is not all bad. We just finished lunch, we both stuffed ourselves silly. Hospital food is strange. It is either really, really good or really, really bad. There's no in between. Right now, Mom is in bed putting on the make-up given to her by the American Cancer Society's Look Good, Feel Better Program. What a difference 1 week makes! Watch out, Mom's back!

The little things make the biggest difference. This morning after shift change around 7:00am, we told the new nurse (friendly nurse is off today) that mom would need a bath before going to radiation this morning. She said that she would send the technician in first thing. The gynecologist the other day prescribed some ointment for the burns. We have to make sure the ointment is totally off before radiation or else it will act as a tanning oil and burn her more severe if that's possible. We use the ointment during the day but do not apply any 8 hrs prior to radiation and of course make sure she has the bath. At 9am, we are still waiting for the technician to come. The mornings before radiation are terribly stressful for Mom. So, she was in bed, lights dim, and music (Alan Jackson's Christian CD - all old hymns) playing softly in the background when the transport guy shows to take Mom to radiation. Mom gets all upset thinking she's going to have to rush through the bath...

Mom's oncologist came by at regular time, 6 am. Mom asked if she can go home today, he said I don't see why not. He said that she's got his okay so if other docs agree, she'll go home. Yipee !

Monday morning was really tough. Mom was so tired of hurting, totally exhausted and discouraged. She was angry and fed-up. Before Monday, she was pretty much checked out due to the pain medication. This weekend she kept asking why she was in OKC . She's been in another world for the last week maybe longer which was hard because I really missed her. On Monday, she was coherent but in the darkest place that I'd seen yet with no spark of hope. The doctor came in at 6:00am, we'd been up for almost an hour. Anxiety and pain levels were high. The doctor told Mom that all the blood, urine, and stool tests were coming back good, no infection. However, blood taken from the PICC line on Sunday showed an infection so he ordered the PICC to be taken out. Since last Wednesday, her fever continued to fluctuate between 100 - 103. After the doctor left, I tried to encourage Mom by telling her that the doctor is not finding any serious complications. There is unbelievable pain, suffering,...

One of the sisters from the Ya Ya Sisterhood; Monday evening. If I could talk to you now. Things I would say to you. Your mom is funny. She called me Melissa. When Cathy called the conversation went like this Cathy – Is Michelle there? Mom – No Cathy – Is Bob there? Mom – No Cathy – Is Ginger there? Mom – No Cathy – Well who is there? Mom – Melissa Cathy – Well is someone there that is not taking drugs? I got the phone. Cathy talked a few minutes. I love this woman and I don’t even know her. She is so funny cant wait till girls day out with her….. She ask that I call her back and I told her I would what time is to late she said she was just driving back from Muskogee and was going home to dye her hair. I told Mom that Cathy was going to color her hair what color does she want it. Mom said will it wash out? I said yeah so she said “well its almost 4 th of July – what about red, white and blue” So I told Cathy. Also, Cathy ask if you were coming back tonight I said “yeah but, she...

Stay tuned, for upcoming praise report God brought Mom the best doctor and wrapped His arms around her as this doctor broke Mom open. We are listening to "How Great is Our God" as Mom rests before radiation. I'll share later.

Mom's been in hospital since Friday. Safety net feels good. Think everything is going well. She's continued to run fever of 100 to 102. Blood Pressure 105/46 at 5:00 today (normal is 120/80), pulse rate tonight is 110(normal is 78). Nurse says elevated pulse rate is from pain and anxiety. Not sure about low blood pressure, dehydration is not a problem b/c she's getting fluid from IV regularly. She's had 4 units blood (think red blood cells, hemoglobin) on Saturday. Urine specimens and blood tests have all come back clean until today. They are taking blood from PICC and blood straight from arm. Blood from PICC showed infection (Gram and Cocci in clusters) not sure what that means but nurse wrote it down for me. They gave her antibotic shot called vancomycin for that. they are giving other antibiotics ; Alvelox , Mystatin and Flogyl . She had a phosphorus drip in IV earlier today b/c low electrolytes. Tonight, nurse gave her MS contin - extended morphine, dildaudid...

She was admitted to the hospital yesterday morning. Basically, we went to the treatment center yesterday morning to get PICC line flushed, weekly thing. On the other side of the treatment room away from mom, I had a break down moment saying the upcoming weekend scares me to death, it's like the night 3 times over, you just feel all alone. Mom's' fever was 102.6 and they were ready to send us on our way. I said that I wanted a doctor to check her over and tell me she's okay, and then I would take her to radiation and then home. I just couldn't handle the responsibility of something happening that I failed to notice type thing. Anyway, mom's onc nurse came over obviously annoyed and said that mom would be seen by one of the other doctors. That doctor's nurse (really nice, I might add) came helped us to the room and took down a bunch of information. She really listened to us, it was nice for a change. The new onc doctor came in (again, really nice, like a fresh...

Mom is swelling really bad. It's making it so incredibly painful to walk, sit, or anything. Radiation again tomorrow, please pray for decrease in swelling.

Just want everyone to know that last night was better. Since at least last Saturday night, as you've read, nights are bad. She's up every 20 to 30 minutes going to the bathroom with terrible pain and anxiety which seemed to build to out of control proportions as the night drug on. It left her totally exhausted and discouraged by morning. I don't think the symptoms are necessarily worse at night than during the day, it's just more frustrating for mom at night because she wants to sleep. Yesterday, the radiologist prescribed some butt foam to relieve the pain (she nonchalantly said as she wrote the prescription, I don't know why I didn't think of it before. It would not have even occurred to her then if I hadn't been so insistent , what's wrong with these docs) Anyway, the combination of butt foam and increased dosage of pain meds worked, and she slept for longer stretches of time, 2 to 3 hours at a time, YES!!!!!!!!!!! When she woke up she said t...

I really think she is having spasms and not constipation. If she were blocked, I would think she would constantly hurt until the blockage was released, especially continual stomach pain. Her pain and feeling of needing to go comes in waves. She has diarhea each and every time she goes to the toilet at least 30 to 40 plus times a day. When it climaxes usually in the last hour before she can recieve her next dose of oxycodone, her pain goes off the charts. She either starts shaking uncontrollably and if someone isn't in the room, yells for help or she loses her head and starts racing around the house out of her head not being rational. At this point she starts hunting the pill bottles for something more to take to make her go to the bathroom. When we got to radiation, I didn't think she'd meet with the radiologist so I asked the front desk if I could possibly ask her a quick question. They said to flag down the nurse (the one we don't like) and ask her to speak with the d...

This was me reaching out on the colon club last night and Belle (NW Girl), Monique, and WAMO were there. Thank you God for leading me to the Colon Club and for these caring women who got me through tonight. (Me) Nights seem worse. Diarrhea seems more frequent, not making it to the toliet more, more pain and anxiety. She's taking oxicodone 2 pills every 4 hours. At night, it's not enough. Right now she has almost an hour before next dose and pain level is rapidly increasing. Do I absolutely have to wait 4 hrs? She's straining due to constipation but there's frequent urgent diarrhea. Both are wreaking havoc on her butt. Tonight there's a little blood when she blots. I assume its hemmoroids from straining. She also complains about her bones hurting. She thought she dodged mouth sores this round of chemo, but tonight there popping up. I'm reading on this forum about those at all stages continuing on w/ life, jobs, hobbies. How in the world is that possible? Is mom...

The last few days have been really bad and last night made really bad look like a walk in the park. I want to update everyone but I've got to keep it short b/c I'm running a little to no sleep. Saturday, Mom was in a lot of pain and last night was the worse yet. Yesterday afternoon, major stomach cramps hit, Mom intensely needed to have a bowel movement and was blocked. It came and went in waves, like spasms and increased in duration into the night. She was able to get some out, it was terribly hard and caused rips and hemmoroids. What's weird is that she obviously is constipated but at the same time has major diahrea. When the urge hit, she had no control and could not make it to the toilet every time. Remember, she gave up underwear weeks ago. She took the hydrocodeine at 5:00 but then did not take any for the rest of the night/morning. I'm the pain pill enforcer. Last night, I thought I really messed up and was the cause of her intense pain and suffering. I couldn...

Hey, ain't it good to know that you've got a friend When life can be so cold it'll hurt you and desert you It'll take your soul if you let it Oh, but don't you let it Cuz , You just call out my name And you know wherever I am I'll come running to see you again Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall All you've got to do is call And I'll be there, yea yea yea You've got a friend I've got a friend and today when I called, she came running!

It was a long night and day for mom. Yesterday, the oncologist nurse (head nurse) called back with a prescription of Tramadol 50 mg. Mom's suppose to take 1 tablet every 6 hours. She said it would help with inflammation and pain. I'm not sure how effective it is b/c we didn't get it until 5:30 last night. She took it and then a few minutes later took a full dose of hydrocodone . I left their house at 9:30 last night thinking she'd be okay through the night. Dad says she was up alot last night hurting. This morning he thought she was in bed asleep while he was working in the office, when he heard her calling for help in the kitchen. She was doubled over thinking she was going to pass out. She felt really bad this morning, probably about the worse I've seen her, but we took her to radiation this morning anyway. Before leaving, I gave her an anxiety pill, another dose of hydrocodone and nausea medicine. For most of this week she's not eating or drinking much a...

Mom's in a lot of pain from radiation and the radiologist is wasting our time with stupid over the counter bull crap. Here's my post and some of the comments from the colon club concerning this situation. Me: Mom's completed 22 of 33 hits of radiation. This weekend the burns have started to become pretty miserable. Now on Wed. it's unbearable. The doc says not to miss any treatments but she won't give her anything to help. She says use aquafor which we've done from the beginning. It coats but doesn't relieve. Now she said to get Tuck's Wipes. We got some to try but why can't she just prescribe something to numb it. Also, the bumps are getting bigger and itching worse. There's got to be something that will help. Makes me so mad! Response: The cream I used is called Silver Sulfadiazine Cream 400GM. It was prescribed when my genital area started to get raw. I couldn't urinate without excruciating pain - I'm talking on a scale of 1-10 this...

Wasted away again in Chemoville . This morning was pretty rough. Mom's anxiety level was off the charts. We left the house in pouring down rain, she took an anxiety pill, and made it to the hospital for radiation before 8am. She didn't wait long before being called back for her daily dose, unfortunately she got the terrible technician. (of all days) This technician had trouble lining her up so it took longer. Mom said that as she held the position, butt in the air, the radiation machine kept making the running noise over and over. It kinda sounds like the drill at the dentist office. Anyway, the technician wasn't letting Mom know what she was doing. Mom panicked thinking they were zapping her over and over again with radiation. Mom said it was all she could do not to come off the table swinging. With just a little communication from the technician, she could have avoided the panic attack and feelings of claustrophobia . Anyway, this technician doesn't have a clue, too...

Twas the night before chemo and all through the house, we all lay in bed praying the chemo would pass. The car is gassed up and ready for the day, I hope this time's different to give us a break. I know, pretty cheesy but I just couldn't help myself. It was probably Baby Girl singing Jingle Bells yesterday that made me think of Twas the night before Chemo. I've made it to Mom's to spend the night. Tomorrow will be an early start. We'll go to radiation at 8:00 and then off to chemo at 9:00. I'm sure it will feel like a full days work by noon. I hope we're home by then. This week has definitely had it's ups and downs. Mom was pretty tired both Monday and Tuesday. We did go to that make-up thing called Look Better, Feel Good. There was a woman there with her daughter. She's fighting breast cancer. Her daughter is probably 14 or 15 ish . Both her and her husband were diagnosed with cancer within a week apart. Can you imagine? Anyway, Mom got a bunch of...