With or Without Answers
The past few weeks have been a roller coaster of emotion. First, it's all the tests followed by waiting and then more tests followed by more waiting. Now it's preparing for treatment followed by waiting and then the actual treatment in the form of chemo and radiation and then more waiting to see what the side effects will be and if it will even work on her cancer. None of us are very good at waiting. During the wait, my mind goes from one extreme to the other. Don't want to talk about it much for fear of sounding negative, but many times can not keep from talking about it. I feel like a walking contradiction.
Obviously, I never would question the existence of God. I've known Him too long for that. But, during the wait, I have plenty of questions. I've been reading a book, Bad Things Happen to Good People. I think it's only raised more questions than answers. There are a few things that I know I believe. Like I believe that God loves us, comforts us, saves us (sometimes daily), carries us, defends us, protects us, strengthens us and even heals us.
I don't think that everyone that believes is healed. I'm not sure it always matters how much you did or didn't go to church, if you were a faithful tither, if you read your devotional every morning, spent most days in prayer, spoke the word fearlessly in the face of danger, fasted for days at a time, or even had the faith of Job. I don't think that there's always a lesson in suffering, that it strikes as punishment for sin, or that bad skips one and finds you just because you are a strong person and can take it.
So, I like millions of others, am asking the question Why? Why does my mom have to face cancer? The book I'm reading says that God has nothing to do with the bad in the world such as cancer and that pretty much everything happens purely at random. Cancer does not pick and choose who it will infect, it won't skip over one because they are all things good to land on another who is bad or vice versa. The author goes on to write that you can't stockpile your good actions as collateral when bad strikes. God doesn't heal you if you follow steps A, B, and C. Maybe that would eliminate faith.
Although I don't like to think of things happening purely at random, the thought of God giving or allowing His people to get things like cancer doesn't sit well with me either. The author doesn't believe that God heals anyone because he doesn't heal everyone. He doesn't protect bad from anyone because He doesn't do it for everyone. Wow, now that's a tough one. Because I do believe that God protects and heals but I can't say He does it every time for everyone. I don't know why, so I'm back at square one without any answers.
My friend let me borrow her cd. On it is a song that starts off, "I'm not skilled to understand, what God has willed what God has planned" In the chorus it says, " My God He's always there for me." I must say that part is true, I have zero understanding when it comes to my mom having cancer but He's always been right there for me throughout all struggles.
Tonight, my same friend sent me this text; "I love you. (love you too) Trust Him with this. Give it to Him. It's much too big for you." She's right and that's just what I'm going to do, with or without all the answers.
Obviously, I never would question the existence of God. I've known Him too long for that. But, during the wait, I have plenty of questions. I've been reading a book, Bad Things Happen to Good People. I think it's only raised more questions than answers. There are a few things that I know I believe. Like I believe that God loves us, comforts us, saves us (sometimes daily), carries us, defends us, protects us, strengthens us and even heals us.
I don't think that everyone that believes is healed. I'm not sure it always matters how much you did or didn't go to church, if you were a faithful tither, if you read your devotional every morning, spent most days in prayer, spoke the word fearlessly in the face of danger, fasted for days at a time, or even had the faith of Job. I don't think that there's always a lesson in suffering, that it strikes as punishment for sin, or that bad skips one and finds you just because you are a strong person and can take it.
So, I like millions of others, am asking the question Why? Why does my mom have to face cancer? The book I'm reading says that God has nothing to do with the bad in the world such as cancer and that pretty much everything happens purely at random. Cancer does not pick and choose who it will infect, it won't skip over one because they are all things good to land on another who is bad or vice versa. The author goes on to write that you can't stockpile your good actions as collateral when bad strikes. God doesn't heal you if you follow steps A, B, and C. Maybe that would eliminate faith.
Although I don't like to think of things happening purely at random, the thought of God giving or allowing His people to get things like cancer doesn't sit well with me either. The author doesn't believe that God heals anyone because he doesn't heal everyone. He doesn't protect bad from anyone because He doesn't do it for everyone. Wow, now that's a tough one. Because I do believe that God protects and heals but I can't say He does it every time for everyone. I don't know why, so I'm back at square one without any answers.
My friend let me borrow her cd. On it is a song that starts off, "I'm not skilled to understand, what God has willed what God has planned" In the chorus it says, " My God He's always there for me." I must say that part is true, I have zero understanding when it comes to my mom having cancer but He's always been right there for me throughout all struggles.
Tonight, my same friend sent me this text; "I love you. (love you too) Trust Him with this. Give it to Him. It's much too big for you." She's right and that's just what I'm going to do, with or without all the answers.
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