Dream of Mom

Last night while reading a blog, l was thinking of Mom.  In the post, this woman had a grade 4 glioblastoma brain tumor. She didn’t have much time left.  She wrote a note that asked her family to post after she passed.  It talked about not enduring life but enjoying every second.  Choose to be happy, grateful and live in the moment.

 Mom had a way that even though she was surrounded by unhappiness and negativity.  She chose to keep her spirit high and live full of optimism.  Not to say she didn’t have bad days, who doesn’t? However, she chose to live above her circumstances.  Talk about some strength.

Most days I feel happy when I think of her but yesterday I felt sadness.  I wish she didn’t have to fight so hard for something that should have been simple like enjoying life with your loved ones.  She did remove herself from toxic relationships towards the end of her life.  Why couldn’t she do it earlier?  She truly believed she could change the person she loved so much.  But unfortunately, it was his choice to change not hers. 

A few months before she passed, she realized this and turned her attention toward herself.  She focused on the things she had buried deep.  She chose not to carry it a step further but to let it go. In that moment she received complete healing, overwhelming love, and peace that passes all understanding.  I was blessed to witness this transformation.  Yesterday I just couldn’t get it out of my mind, what if she could have made it to that point long before the end of her life?   

I saw Mom last night in a dream.  She just walked right up to me.  It took me a minute to get passed the shock of her standing in front of me. It was so real.  She looked amazing!  She was beaming of health, strength, love, joy and peace.  She was breathtakingly gorgeous.  If you can imagine, she was more beautiful and graceful than I’d ever seen her before. She was in bright, vibrant colors like she always loved to wear.  I said, “Mom, I thought you died.”  She said, “No, I’m alive.”  And then just like that, I woke up.  

I guess you sometimes think that you only have time to experience all the blessings that are out there for the taking while you are here on Earth. Now, I’m thinking you have an infinite amount of time to receive blessings even though you pass.  If that’s not a reason to twirl, I don’t know what is.

As she did, I’ve come to terms with the good, bad and ugly. As Mom said I choose to remove toxic relationships for my health and overall life. I choose to forgive not because the person deserves it.  I forgive because I deserve peace. It is not meant to be taken personal.  It’s just my truth.

Mom told me that she opened the door from the inside so that not only she could walk through but also me.  Although Mom was a private person, I think she would like me to share her story so that others can walk through the door to their freedom as well.