my world

I just checked in at the Colon Club before I hit the hay, and wouldn't you know I've had 2 responses to my post, More Issues, Any Suggestions? by momsCancer on Thu May 29, 2008 6:37 pm. It's amazing the community of people brought together by this horrible disease. Okay, I'm really going to bed now, for real :)

Okay, I am totally in need of an attitude adjustment and sleep. So, last night around 4am I decided that I will change my attitude and start focusing on what's going right AND I will sleep with or without the help of medication. I'm sure I'll have the occasional bad day and sleepless night but I won't live there anymore. How about that for a declaration! So, what's going right? Mom has stage 2 cancer, very treatable. She will dance with NED very soon. Learning cancer lingo from the colon club. (another thing going right) NED stands for No Existing Disease and I can't wait for that moment. Mom has great doctors. In fact, someone told mom that her doctor is the top oncologist here. Her radiologist is pretty great too (currently on vacation for the past 2 weeks and mom's left seeing the dingy doc) but, back to what's right. Her radiologist really has the ability to connect with patients that so many docs lack. She leaves you feeling confident that you...

I've spent a ton of time on-line looking for as much info on colon/rectum cancer as possible. The past 2 nights, I've been up til 1:00 and 2:00 in the morning. I'm devouring books from the library as well. I also have been looking for a place to share and read stories from people who are fighting this fight. Last night I found a blog from this woman my age with two girls who beat colon cancer. I'm hooked reading her blog. I started with her first (oldest) blog and read forward. She describes in detail the good, bad, and ugly of radiation and chemo but keeps such an awesome sense of humor throughout. I read some of her entries to mom this afternoon. It was nice to hear from someone who's walked Mom's road. She's had the same side effects, experiences, and feelings as Mom from the mouth sores and weird taste buds to crying spells and problems with pic lines. As I said in my last blog, this past weekend was horrible for mom. Now, mom is mainly experiencing extr...

This is the end of the second week of treatment. It feels like months have gone by. I'm reading books I found in the library to try and better understand and maybe even predict symptoms around the bend. It's like there are a couple of manageable days and you start believing that she's getting better and then the bottom drops out, catching you by surprise and deflating hope. Last Friday, she was unhooked from the chemo feeding into her pic line. Neither one of us liked the nurse that day and hope we don't get her again., but were still in high spirits about surviving the first round of chemo. Anyway, they checked her temp and she had a low-grade fever. Her throat hurt some so they checked and found it red and irritated. So, instead of going back to work, we headed for the pharmacy to get prescription mouthwash for her throat and a digital thermometer. I regularly checked her temp that evening which spiked at 100.1. The docs say to call immediately if a fever reaches 100....

The kids know Nana is sick but I've not called it cancer. Yesterday (one of mom's better days), the kids really wanted to see Nana. Reluctantly, I said okay but warned them not to get near her face. I said that means no hugging her neck or kissing on the cheeks or lips. I said they could hug her waist. Baby Girl complained "But kissing on the whips is mo better." Today, as the kids and I were petting the dog, it hit Little Man. "Nana should eat grass, it helps dogs get better when they are sick!"

This week has been pretty tough. There’s some relief in knowing she’s on the road to recovery but even with that, it’s a tough, scary and sometimes unbearable road. She's had radiation treatments every morning this week. It will continue over the next 6 weeks every Monday through Friday. The doctor says she should not experience any side effects from the radiation for a couple of weeks, however her joints in her hips (where they are targeting the radiation) ache. Rubbing helps somewhat. She goes to the hospital for the radiation treatment. We don’t have to fight for parking because the hospital has a free valet service and with all the construction going on at the hospital, that is huge. The same guy meets us every morning with a smile and asks us how we are doing as he takes my keys. He seems so sincere, like he really does care. In the waiting room, we sit with the same people every morning. The appointments are the same for each person every day. There is one woman probably in h...

Hubby grabbed my butt. It's usually no big deal but he had terrible timing this morning. Rushing around the house (as usual) trying to get the kids out the door, myself dressed and halfway presentable, to make it to the school for the assembly at 8:30. Little Man's class is leading the assembly and he is proudly leading the state salute. He has his part down and is really excited. Anyway, I sent the kids ahead and ran back inside to throw on a little eyeliner and mascara . I rush back out the door and into the garage where hubby swats at me but misses. So as we are heading up the driveway, he grabs my butt again and hangs on for good measure as my eyes lock with the new neighbor out for her morning stroll. There's no way she missed it. I mumble out a good morning and then focus on my shoes for the entire walk to school. Hubby thinks it's hilarious.

Today, the kids and a couple of their friends were in my van heading home from church. Before I could tell them no eating in the car, half empty cereal boxes were flying around the backseats of the van. The kids were having a grand ole time throwing the boxes at each other. I finally got them to stop and then prayed they didn't make that big of a mess. After making it home I see it's not that bad and had the bright idea that Little Man would clean it up. He seriously got mad. I've not seen him that mad in a while. Uncontrollably shaking and yelling at the top of his lungs how they did it, not him! Now I must say that every once in a great while. . . I'm a brilliant mom. We went inside the house. And the conversation went as follows; Crazeemommy: Come here, look at the sink full of dirty dishes, who made this mess? Little Man: We all did. Crazeemommy: Who's gonna clean it up? Little Man: You and daddy. Crazeemommy: Mmmm , look at the floors that have just ...

The past few weeks have been a roller coaster of emotion. First, it's all the tests followed by waiting and then more tests followed by more waiting. Now it's preparing for treatment followed by waiting and then the actual treatment in the form of chemo and radiation and then more waiting to see what the side effects will be and if it will even work on her cancer. None of us are very good at waiting. During the wait, my mind goes from one extreme to the other. Don't want to talk about it much for fear of sounding negative, but many times can not keep from talking about it. I feel like a walking contradiction. Obviously, I never would question the existence of God. I've known Him too long for that. But, during the wait, I have plenty of questions. I've been reading a book, Bad Things Happen to Good People. I think it's only raised more questions than answers. There are a few things that I know I believe. Like I believe that God loves us, comforts us, saves us (s...